I wheeze.
I’m not obese, though I may have gained a little over
the years. I have a pot belly but not big enough to call me fat. I sound like a
60 year old fat drunk trying to get his keys out of his pocket after a night of
boozing. Oftentimes when I’m sitting beside someone, they’ll turn to me and say,” I thought you were sleeping.”
The cause of my wheezing is not unknown and in fact I get
tired of explaining it to people. I have sleep apnea. My air passages fall
asleep whenever I sleep; talk about a very unsupportive respiratory system. My
air passages may not have gotten the memo from the brain that they’re on
graveyard shifts as well. Death is a very close alternative to not waking up. For
some reason, people find it funny. They joke about how much my snoring sounds
like putting a can into a blender or a really old engine. I just smile and
laugh with them. At least I’m only ugly when I sleep. They’re ugly even when
they’re awake (sorry for the bitterness, it’s been years of emotional battery).
I think sleep apnea is the only illness where people can
laugh at you at your face. There are equally funny cases like hemorrhoids, elephantiasis
or halitosis, but you can’t laugh in front of these cases. It’s looked down
upon. But you do laugh at them when you’re with your NORMAL friends; no room
for hypocrites here. But with sleep apnea,
they ask you how sick you are and then laugh at it.
You don’t know how many
times I’ve heard that I sound like someone being possessed when I’m sleep. And
this is recurring; it’s the same joke a week after. They say the same thing
when snoring becomes the topic. Being a dumbass may not have been proven as an
illness yet, but it seems to be very contagious.
The best part about having sleep apnea though, is that I don’t
get sleepless nights over it. You do.
