Holiday Extravaganza

This is what we do during Christmas Eve. We wait for 12 midnight to eat as much food as we can. We then follow that up with lots of beer. Then we clean up at around 4-5 AM. Then by some twisted and sadistic holiday tradition that was instilled upon us, WE WAKE UP AT 7AM!

It has been a tradition in our family to eat breakfast together. Then right after breakfast, the drinking commences again. In between we eat about every hour. And these aren't just nibbles, these are large portions of whatever. We have been conditioned by our parents that Christmas day is synonymous to binge eating. Well whatever, I love it.

You know how families have their traditions during holidays? It's usually getting together and eating. Then there are the updates and all that stuff that they are going to forget as soon as they leave the family extravaganza. Those questions that they asked you, they'll ask again next year.

How are you? How are your sisters? How's your mom? How's your dad? Do you still go to school? Have you had your period yet? WHAT THE HELL UNCLE! For the 8th time today, I'm a boy!!! So stop touching me there (bad joke... ).

It actually becomes a routine. And I HATE ROUTINE!

This year I'm going to spice things up. I'm almost 30 and I think am entitled to one get-together which won't be the same salutations and goodbyes. Here's a list of what I'll be doing.

If someone hands me money as a gift, I'll say,"is this all?"

I'll ask my grandmother for my inheritance as this year's Christmas gift.

I'll eat pasta with my hands.

I'll give empty boxes as gifts and if someone asks I'll act as if someone stole them.

If someone asks me the usual questions I'll give him or her a P100.00 without explaining why.

I'll wear war paint. Green and Red.

I'll make an Audio Video Presentation about this blog and show it to them during dinner.

I'll whip them up some of my space cakes to make this holiday seem like forever.

I'll literally deck the halls with Bo and Holly. (my cousins...)

I'll back mask Santa Claus is Coming to Town and play it with exaggerated enthusiasm.

I'll invite homeless people to watch us eat.

Actually, my point is, let's make every get together memorable. We only get to do it once a year and who knows how many we have left. What if the Mayans are right? Happy Holidays!