Note to self: I am not Bad Ass!

I'm not Bad Ass!

This is a realization that I had to learn early in my life.

 I can't even grow a beard to save my life. I can grow patches of beard though. Even if I shave them at the same time, they just seem to grow at their own rate. It's like small grass lands growing on a pink and pasty desert. It doesn't look good I tell you.

Me, growing a beard...

Besides having the physique of a pregnant 15 year old, and a hairline high enough to place a 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th eye on my forehead, I am bad with confrontations. I may have only been in one real fight in my life. And I've always believed that winning is in the mind (keep telling that to yourself lame ass!), but my SISTER was big back then. She was one tough cookie. She would drive me into floor faster than I could say, "I'm not about to fight a girl". She had a freaky long reach and she shouts a lot.

One time we had this fight when we were kids. I don't remember what it was about, but the pain and suffering was as if she kicked my ass yesterday. I was holding a broomstick to defend myself. I needed a weapon to stop those long arms from separating my head from my neck. I was driven to a wall and then fell on all fours. Then she sat on me. She kept calling me a homo. I have nothing against homosexuals to make it clear. Most of the people I love and respect nowadays are proud gay men and women. For some reason, she called me gay. I don't know if it's because I play with dolls or look fabulous in our mom's high heels but she COERCED me into admitting that I was gay. As I was being pummeled and humiliated on the hardwood floor, I had time to think. My sister seems to be passionate about me being gay. She seems to think that I AM gay. Well then... maybe I am! Okay, let's just say I am. MY SISTER KICKED MY ASS SO HARD SHE CONVINCED ME I'M GAY! OMG!

Years passed and through the years she kept calling me a homo, gay, a fairy, anything she can come up with. I didn't care. I thought to myself, so what? I am gay. The family still loves me. There's nothing wrong with being gay. Then one day in High School, I found out the MECHANICS of being gay! "Oh my god", I said. I was so anxious to get home. I couldn't keep myself from moving around. I was so restless.

Then I got home. I ran towards the gate. I opened the door as fast as I could. I literally flew to get up the stairs. I almost broke her door when I opened it. There she was sitting on her bed reading a magazine. Then I shouted to her, "NO I'M NOT YOU BITCH!"

Then she sat on me and coerced me to say that I am gay.